Thursday, February 5, 2009

American Apparel Ads are Going to Destroy the Universe

A friend of mine recently compared my blog to another that some of you may have heard of. Apparently, some dude runs a blog called "Hipsterrunoff" that seems to be garnering the praise of self-deprecating hipsters nationwide. According to sources close to Hipster Headquarters, this dude's blog is even more precise and well-timed than my own when it comes to identifying and scrutinizing hipster cliches ad contradictions as soon as they pop up. I recently visited this alleged KING of blogs, and thus find these assertions to be very amusing for a number of reasons.

3. Unconvenitonal Grammar
The geniuses at hipsterrunoff are so witty, apparently, that they don't have the same uses for grammar as the rest of us. That's right, world, it's up to us to decode the highly contextual messages behind such insightful posts as, my personal favorite, "Reflections on Suburbia
[Via Being Trapped]". *Note*: That title is not a joke. Please visit the above link to read an incredibly poignant and original poem detailing the horrors of life as a white kid in the suburbs...because no one else in this country has thought/blogged/written/whined/made-a-name-for-themselves by waxing poetic about life as a white boy in a gated community. Oh, hey Ben Folds.

2. References to "LOL Cats"
If you don't know what a "LOL Cat" is, read at your own discretion. If you do know what a LOL Cat is, and actually derive amusement or pleasure from their proliferation, then please exit your broswer immediately and hit yourself with a bric.. LOL Cats are the dumbest thing to hit the internet since MYSPACE. This blog that my friend Alex, who I'm now losing a lot of confidence in, referred me to makes a concerted effort to perpetuate the asinine sense of humor that LOL Cats and similar material endorse. For this reason I hope the makers of this site perish.

1. American Apparel Ads
Don't try and tell me that your blog is just a clever parody of hipster blogs and related culture when your entire website is plastered with American Apparel advertisements. Even worse, don't even think of convincing me that your blog is witty, original, or "nonconformist" when those American Apparel ads feature a moderately hairy fellow in a girl's t-shirt and what look like panties. That is gross. Plain and simple.

So remember, kids, just because someone writes in an atypical syntax structure, or with a few extra vowels or "z's" at the ends of their sentences, doesn't mean that they know what they're talking about. More likely than not, they're just another suburbanite in uber-tight jeans and a Jens Lekman t-shirt trying way too hard to set themselves apart from today's cultural norms.

Yeah, that's right. I made fun of Jens Lekman. SUCK IT.

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