Monday, December 22, 2008

American By Birth, Southern By the Grace of God

Global warming really sucks. If you disagree, please close the window that you're reading this text from immediately. Unlike others within the blogging community, I don't care about opening your mind. Much to the contrary, I see my blog as a platform to ramble on about whatever I please, and today, it's how much better the Southern United States stands in comparison to the remainder of the Continental U.S. Just this past week, for example, as many of my friends enjoyed a -10 degree holiday, I basked in +70 degree sunshine whilst sipping Mint Julips and recounting the old glory days of Paul "Bear" Bryant and Crimson Tide football. Well, actually it was whiskey, and there was no sipping involved. Nonetheless, Alabama football still reigns supreme, and I have no doubt in my mind that all of "you's guys" wish you could roll a "y'all" off your tongue like I can.
Don't worry, though. It isn't your fault, after all, that you happened to be born into a sub-par region of what is so obviously the best country on the face of the planet, right? Well, not entirely. As a matter of fact, much of the aforementioned beautiful weather that I've been lucky enough to enjoy is a consequence of the blatant negligence by which we've chronically poisoned our planet, and the whiskey is...well, whiskey is just great bottom line. Either way, turn off your lights you bourbon-drunk rednecks, and stop swerving all over the Jersey Turnpike!

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